Update!

Its been a long time. and its been really tough for me these past few days.. first, i changed my number to start my new life without him. i feel bad though. its just that, its seems that he dont deserve an explanation from me. cause ive been gone without telling him. that hurts more? i dont mean to hurt him if ever that hurts him.
i really dont know what to do. i always ask my friends opinion but i get so shy when i feel like its too much that we always talks about it, i dont want them to get fed up. and i want to solve this with myself cause its for my own.

Second, my family.. ugh so many problems for my age. i feel like im all grown up and super stressed. i envy those people who seems to be happy with everything though i know that they have problems too. but i wonder how they can cover it up and pretend that everythings alright. i know ive been a fan of pretending.. but i dont know why i cant do it anymore? sometimes when i get home from school and its time to sleep i feel like sleeping is my worst time of the day because all i do is to think about the past. and tears started to fall. and at the end of the night il be sayin to myself thats its over and its okay.. someday i want to feel the night time when i was little when all i think before i sleep is who to play with? though i wont happen anymore. i just want to have peace of mind. i need some distraction. i dont want to think about it anymore. please.